Saturday, June 26, 2021


HOW TO HANDLE  WIFE - HOW TO HANDLE HUSBAND Often in our day-to-day life, we attend workshops and seminars to help us learn how to interact with others in the professional world and how to develop our interpersonal skills. However, we do not try to use these skills to help us deal with our spouse. 

Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan says, “One is not to win the world, he has to win the home (family).”

Let us learn how to handle a wife and how to handle a husband through the experiences shared below. Some excerpts of actual spiritual discourses with Param Pujya Dada Bhagwan have been added below as they are.HOW TO HANDLE  WIFE - HOW TO HANDLE HUSBAND

To Live Happily With Your Wife

  • Women don’t want expensive gifts from you, they want your attention and nice compliments from you. So here are some tips for you to live happily with your wife.
  • Don’t argue with your wife and try to listen to her carefully. Small things matter to women so you should listen to your wife carefully and have complete attention towards your wife.
  • Take your wife out for shopping.
  • Take her out for dinner.
  • Give her gifts and surprise her. 
  • Call her or message her when you are in your office. Ask how is she and what she is doing.
  • Try to make her believe she is the most beautiful woman in the world. Women do like these kinds of compliments so complimenting about her beauty is the smartest thing to do.
  • Don’t compare her with another woman in your life. If you compare your wife with another woman then she might get jealous.
  • Don’t forget your wife birthday and wedding anniversary if you want to live happily with your wife.

Recognize your spouse’s personality

Should you not recognize the personality of the one with whom you live? In order to learn how to handle a wife and how to handle a husband you first need to understand every aspect of their personality. After attaining Self Realization, if you put in the effort, then you can recognize their personality easily. Once you do this, it will be easier for you to deal with them lovingly.

When you study your spouse’s personality, you are able to recognize their likes and dislikes, which enables you to act accordingly to avoid conflict. For example, when we admire roses, we make sure that their thorns do not hurt us. In the same way, if your spouse has a habit of waking up early and you like to wake up late, if you learn to adjust with them then you will able to avoid problems.

Be flexible

If a husband and wife both make a firm commitment to adjust with each other, they will find a solution. If one is insistent, the other has to adjust by giving in. If you do not adjust you can become insane. It is because you have harassed others that you have to endure so much anxiety. If you provoke a dog once, twice, or even thrice, he will still heed you. But if you keep annoying him, he will bite you. Even the dog will think of you as a bad person. This is worth understanding. Do not provoke anyone. Adjust everywhere.

Finding middle ground in your interests

It is natural to have differing interests even as a married couple, so how do you go about enjoying what you like and at the same time do what your spouse likes also? Without changing each other’s interests, you just need to apply this small key, which is to compromise. If you like going out and your spouse likes to spend time at home, then you can plan something so that both of you are able to enjoy yourselves. Stay in some nights and go out on others. That way both of you will be able to enjoy each other’s company and interests without letting it take a toll on your relationship. The secret behind how to make a marriage work lies in love and acceptance of each other and in the circumstances as they unfold.

Use wise words

When talking to your spouse what you say matters just as much as your tone. You should speak in such a way that you do not provoke them. Here is a small extract, where a lady is sharing here experience with Param Pujya Dadashri.HOW TO HANDLE  WIFE - HOW TO HANDLE HUSBAND

“One lady told me she felt as if I was her father from her past life. She was very nice and very cultured. I asked her how she got along with her husband. She told me that he does not say anything. He is always calm and composed. I asked her surely some days they must have some disagreements. She said no but sometimes he would make a cynical comment. I understood. So I asked her what she would do when he made sarcastic comments, I asked if she would strike back at him. She replied, “No, I tell him that we are together due to the unfolding of our karmas. I am separate and you are separate. So why are you doing this? Why do have to make sarcastic comments and what is all this about? No one is at fault here. It is the fault of the unfolding of the karmas. So instead of making sarcastic comments, why don’t you settle your karmas with equanimity? Why should we clash?” I have seen many women, but this is the only woman I have seen with such an elevated understanding.”HOW TO HANDLE  WIFE - HOW TO HANDLE HUSBAND

Do not get affected by the misuse of power

Questioner: In America, as women also go to work, they tend to gain a bit more power. Due to this, there are more disputes amongst husband and wife.

Dadashri: On the contrary, it is good if she gains more power. You should be happy that, ‘Wow! She was without any power before; it is good for us that she has gained some power now!’ Life will run more smoothly, will it not? Would it be more beneficial if the bull pulling the cart is weak or would it be more beneficial if the bull is powerful?

Questioner: But if she uses her power incorrectly then it would not run smoothly, would it? If they use the power well then it would be good. 

Dadashri: It’s like this, if there is no one to believe in that power, then her power will collide with the ‘wall’. She may exercise her power arrogantly here or there, but if you do not let it affect you [show any reaction] at that time, then her entire power will strike a ‘wall’ and then hit her on the rebound.

Questioner: Do you mean to say that we should not listen to our wives? Is that so?

Dadashri: Listen [to her]! Listen very well to everything; listen to everything if it is beneficial to you. However, if her power is colliding with you then you just keep quiet at that time. Just observe how much [power] she has had to drink. She will use the power based on how much she has had to drink, will she not?

Questioner: That is correct. Similarly, what if men are misusing their power?

Dadashri: At that time, you have to exercise caution. ‘Hmm… he is out of control today.’ Say that in your mind, do not say anything out loud.

Questioner: Yes, otherwise he will become even more out of control.

Dadashri: They say, “He was out of control today.” It should not be so. It should be wonderful… Would two friends behave like this? Would their friendship last, if they behaved in this way?  Therefore, these two are indeed considered friends; husband and wife means that they are to run their household as friends. Instead, look what a state they have turned it into! Is that why people get their daughters married? To green card holders! Is it for this? Would that suit us? What do you think? It does not suit us! Who is considered as one with good moral values? Is it the one who has conflicts at home, or is it the one who does not have any conflicts?

Questioner: What should one do so that conflict does not occur? What is the solution for that?

Dadashri: Tell me what causes the conflict and I will immediately show you the medicine for that cause.

Questioner: They happen in matters related to money, the children, they happen for everything. They tend to happen even for small matters.

Dadashri: What happens in matters related to money?

Questioner: We are unable to save anything, all of it gets spent.

Dadashri: How is your husband at fault in that?

Questioner: No fault at all. Sometimes an argument starts due to this.

Dadashri: So, do not have any conflicts at all. Do not have a conflict even if he were to lose $200, because the conflict costs $400. Not only does one lose $200, but the cost of the conflict is double that amount. Therefore, it is better to let go of the $200 that is lost rather than causing a conflict costing $400. So, do not get into a conflict. Gaining or losing [money] is actually dependent on prarabdha (effect of past life karma).

Your money will not increase by arguing. If your merit karma (punya) is in fruition then it will not take time for money to flow in. So tell me all the things due to which conflicts happen, like the matters related to money. Even if a lot more money is being spent, you should not nag about that. This is because ultimately, whatever was spent, has gone. However, say you have a conflict over spending $50 more, then you will end up having a conflict costing $100 instead. Therefore, you should never have any conflicts.

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